That's What Friends Are For

Two are better than one, 
because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down, 
his friend can help him up. 
But pity the man who falls 
and has no one to help him up!"
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 New King James Version


Now, why didn't I realize that a long time ago? The truth is that so many of us are "burned" by so-called friends that we just stop forming close ties with anyone. I know I did. Up until recently, I really believed that it was best just not to have "friends". Acquaintances were o.k.--they don't know every little thing about you, but real "friends"--that's too close. In turn, you just keep all of your feelings inside and don't share them with anyone except maybe your spouse. Spouses are great, but even they can only handle so much of a burden. So, you must have friends which means you must learn to trust that there is someone out there who will actually care about you enough to be true.

 I have a lot of people in my life that I would say, "Oh yeah, she and I are friends. We work together" or some variation of that. That is one level of friendship. It's an important level because you need friendly relationships to get through each day. I tend to think that even more so of a job like mine because I am not confined to a cubicle. Instead, I am bombarded with 7th graders all day. After spending a lot of time (most of my time) with that age group, you start to lose your sense of adulthood. Not that you regress to childhood, you just lose yourself in their problems, worries, arguments, frustrations, and there are so many of them! :) So, friendly adult conversation is important for sanity's sake! That being said, it is a pretty shallow level of friendship. Don't get me wrong, if anyone at my job needs a shoulder to cry on, I am there. I have wore my counseling hat (knew that psych degree would come in handy for something) on more than one occasion. It's not the same because friendship is a reciprocal relationship. It isn't just one way. The "unloading" of burdens and 
venting must be a two-way street. And there's the rub! In order for a deeper friendship to happen, I must trust someone with my joys and burdens. Ouch-it's like ripping off a band-aid!


Someone shared a problem with me the other day. It was a matter of a friendship gone awry. She had been hurt deeply by someone that she had been friends with for a very long time. She told me that she knew she was also to blame for the collapse of the friendship and that she had begged forgiveness from her friend, but it hasn't come yet. After months of trying to get her friend to see her sincerity, forgiveness has not come. I felt so bad for her as she was telling me this; I knew how she felt. Something very similar had happened to me years ago. My very best friend in the whole world just stopped. Stopped. She canceled a lunch date with me. When I called her, she wouldn't return my calls. Someone told me that her husband had decided I was not a good influence because I had recently gone through a divorce. He forbid her to see me anymore. This is someone I was friends with since my freshman year in high school! Or so I thought.So as I listened to this person's story, her words filled with pain, my heart filled with compassion. I know the hurt of that kind of betrayal. Here is something to consider.  When others refuse to forgive us, we need to recognize that they are not seeing the big picture. For some reason, they are blind to the hurt that they may be causing. So what should we do? Should we carry that hurt with us day after day? No. We just turn around, and in our hearts, we forgive them. We don't have to tell them (if they are aggravated, that may just make it worse). We just have to know that we have put our true self out there for them, for whatever reason they rejected it, and we forgive them for that anyway. 
(Ephesians 4:32)  And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you.
As I thought about the concept of friendship, I began to weave it into my search for more faith. I realize that God wants us to have friends. He knows that we need them, and if we asked for his guidance, he will direct us toward true friendship. Sometimes, when a friendship falls apart and there seems to be no way of repair, it may be that God has something better in store. He has something different planned. He may see an opportunity for a deeper level of friendship for you somewhere else. We just need to remember that he does not want us to be alone, and he will guide us to the right people. :)