Compassion

I have been thinking a lot about what compassion really means. It's a word we hear a lot, but I haven't really pondered its meaning or why it's important. I recently read a book that talked about  being compassionate as being one of the most important traits a person could have- not for everyone else but for yourself. Maybe a week a later, I started reading another book that focused on David and all of his troubles from Goliath to Saul and after. That man made a lot of mistakes! He would be so close to God and thinking so clearly and receiving so many blessings; then, he would screw it up big time! Over and over, he would come to God, rely on God, and receive help from God. Inevitably, he would stray off on his own course and end up in misery. Much like most of us, his intentions were usually pretty good, just a little out of focus because we forget what to focus on from day to day.

So, how does compassion play into the story of David? David often did exactly what all children of good parents do. He copied the parent's behavior. Despite David's rather consistent mistakes, he still wanted to please his Father, God. So, he would copy God. When David made mistakes, no matter how crazy they were, God always showed David compassion. Real compassion. The "I love you anyway. I hurt to know that you are hurting. Let me hold you and make it better. I genuinely feel bad for you "-kind of compassion. David followed that model. Saul chased David down for years. He worked to make David miserable, but when David had opportunities to kill Saul, he chose compassion instead.

This week at school, I had given a poetry assignment. The students had to create poetry books that consisted of 16 different poems. Each poem had a specific rhyme scheme or theme. One of the poems was to be about "My Enemy". I told the kids they could write about someone that was causing them problems, a class that was driving them crazy, whatever they could consider to be something that was an enemy for them right now. I instructed they could not use names :) One girl wrote a poem that was filled with anger and agitation, and she dropped the name of this "enemy" at the end. I read the rough draft. I gave it back to her. She seemed quite proud of herself, but when I made no verbal response to the poem, her face changed a little. The next day, she asked me about the poem. I ask her how it made her feel. She said that at first it felt good to get that stuff off her chest, but then later that night, she felt just as bad as she had before. She explained why she didn't like this girl. I asked her if she had any idea why this other student would cause these problems for her. She had some ideas. We talked awhile about this, and she came to the conclusion that it would be better to write about math class. She decided that even though this other girl had hurt her, she really didn't need to say hurtful things about her or to her. She decided that this other girl had "stuff" going on that was causing her to act the way she was. She decided to be compassionate. She came to the conclusion that being compassionate and forgiving made her feel better than being vindictive and malicious with her words.

It's valuable lesson. When we feel bad, we are so quick to take it out on others or on the people who have made us feel rotten. When we do, we only feel better for a little bit, and then the yucky feelings come back. When we show compassion to others, the good feelings stay, and we can be certain that we are doing something that pleases God. Anything that we can do to please God is always a step toward increasing our faith. :)

The Only Thing We Have to Fear

President Roosevelt said in his first inauguration speech that "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself." It is a very famous one-liner that we hear often. It is often said in regards to tyring something new or unknown to us. For some reason, this statement has been in my head for the last several weeks, and I  had a hard time figuring out why. It seemingly came from nowhere. Then, I remembered I had just finished reading a book by Dr. Claire Weekes. She was a rather famous psychologist that was well-known for dealing with people who suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. The basic premise of her work was that anxiety and panic come from fear. Eliminate your fearful perception of things, and you can eliminate the terrible symptoms of anxiety and panic that can you leave debilitated for months or even years. She talks about a "second fear". The second fear is the fear that is caused by the feelings of being afraid. It sounds a little odd, but it really is true. I have tried some of her ideas on myself, and sure enough, I have discovered that one of my big problems is fear.
Fear can bring us to our knees. It creeps in during silent times when we should be able to relax. It brings with it a racing heart, a pounding head, a feeling of dizziness, unsureness and/or unexplained muscle pain. Not to mention what it does to our minds! The more we dwell on fear, the greater the fears become. They grow and multiply. They morph into monstrous entities that run all over us... IF we let them.
For me, I was never really afraid of much...until the last few years. Suddenly, I became afraid of everything! Of course, if I look at the last three years of my life, it has been abundant with change. Big change. A divorce (finally) finalized. A new beau turned husband. Three moves. Yes, three. The loss of a pregnancy at 17 weeks. A 16 yr old son with a driver's license. Not to mention what all of those things really encompass.
Sometimes, I think we are really hard on ourselves. We think, "I can handle it. I need to be tough." Then, when for whatever reason we can't handle it, we beat ourselves up. Severely! When my ex-husband and I were first "exchanging" my daughter for the weekends, I was a nervous wreck. I was terrified of something happen to her since I wouldn't be with her. I was scared to death of my ex because he had made some extremely violent shows of his temper during our separation and divorce. Deep inside, I was afraid he might kill me. He had threatened to come to my job and start trouble. It was so embarrassing to have to let the school's security officer and the principal know what was going on, but they had to know. Just in case. I don't think I registered my reaction to this fear though until much later on when the fear had actually passed. I had spent months a complete nervous wreck pretending that I wasn't because I had even noticed I was a nervous wreck. It was just the beginning. It was the first fear, and many followed. Fear of losing my new husband. Fear of my children getting hurt. Fear of dying. Fear of losing my mind. Fear of disappointing anyone-I mean anyone. Then came the fears of something being wrong with our baby, and then there was something wrong. Very wrong. Afterward, there was the fear of not being "ok". There were doctors appointments and waiting. My nervous system was completely fried. I couldn't stand noise or bright light or talking to people for very long. Well, hello! I am a 7th grade teacher! I am surrounding by loud and bright all day! Fears had literally left me with terrible physical symptoms to deal with (like I had to wear earplugs in my classroom for a while to muffle any noise). I really thought I was losing my mind, so I took great comfort in reading Dr. Weekes' book which explained my physical symptoms and gave me some strategies to combat those anxious feelings.
I also took comfort in God. "Come unto me and I will give you rest," took on a whole new meaning for me. Praying became more than just talking to God. It has become more like a picture of a child that crawls onto a parent's lap seeking comfort and encouragement, and I find it speaking to God, reading His word, and meditating on the meaning. Dr. Weekes says in one of her books regarding those who can rely on God to help them with their fears, "So to tell people to put their faith in God and let Him cure them works only for those who have such faith and know how to apply it. These are indeed blessed!"(from Hope and Help for Your Nerves). Yes, faith again. It takes faith to do almost anything. It takes faith to reach out of the quagmire of fear and despair and sorrow and hold on to God and believe He will pull you out! Your faith may come naturally, or you may struggle to sustain the smallest amount, but it will grow during your desperation when you seek out the Father through your prayer and through reading the scriptures.